[Boyfriend/Girlfriend] 7 ways to find out what your partner wants for their birthday or Christmas

When giving a gift for a special occasion like a birthday or Christmas, you want to give something that the recipient will truly enjoy. If the gift is for a special loved one, you definitely don't want to make a mistake. If you want to choose something that the other person really wants, the most reliable way is to ask them directly.

However, some people may wonder, "Is it okay to ask someone what gift they want?" In this article, we will introduce the advantages and disadvantages of directly asking someone what gift they want, as well as specific methods for finding out what they want. This article is also useful for those who don't want others to know that they are trying to find out.

The disadvantages of asking for what you want

The question of whether it's okay to ask someone directly what they want or not is one that people have different opinions on. First, let's look at the disadvantages.

The sense of surprise disappears

When receiving a gift, many people expect excitement and a surprise more than just what they will receive. Therefore, if you ask them directly what they want, it will take away the excitement of "waiting anxiously until the day," and they may not be very happy about it.

When asking this type of person what they want, try to do it in a way that doesn't give them away, or prepare an extra small gift. It's also a nice surprise to get more than just one gift.

It seems they are sparing no effort

Some people believe that "there is value in taking the time to think about the other person when choosing a gift. Not thinking about it yourself is 'cutting corners.'" If you're this type of person, try the "How to secretly find out what gift someone wants" below.

It may be over budget

There's a chance they'll ask for something much more expensive than you had in mind. If you ask indirectly, it's one thing, but if you ask directly, "What do you want?", you'll have no choice but to buy it. If you ask directly, you might need to be prepared to be asked for anything.

The benefits of asking for what you want

We learned that the disadvantages of "losing the sense of surprise" and "being perceived as not putting in the effort" can be avoided to some extent by being creative with the way you ask. So, what are the advantages?

No more "failure"

If you give a gift that the other person doesn't like at all, it will leave both of you feeling disappointed and ruin an important event.

Unfortunately, there are many people who decide to break up with their partner because they were disappointed by the lack of taste in the gift, so it is important to ``not make a mistake'' when choosing a gift for your partner.

You can be sure to use it

Since it's something the recipient wants, even if it's not a surprise, they will be able to put it to good use after receiving it. It's unfortunate for both the giver and the receiver if the gift ends up being put away, thinking, "I appreciate the thought, but I have no use for it."

Ease the burden of choosing a gift

Choosing what someone wants while fumbling around takes time and effort. The stronger your desire to make sure they're happy, the more you worry about what will happen if you don't make the right choice, which can make you feel like a burden. If you're someone who finds choosing a gift painful and can't fully enjoy the event, then it's time to just ask them.

It's not true that "reducing the effort of choosing a gift = not caring enough about the other person." You can use the time and effort you would have spent choosing a gift to refine your date plans.

You're more likely to get what you want from others

If you want to give someone something they really want as a gift, you probably also want the gift you give yourself to be something they really want. If the other person has the same values, they're more likely to ask you, "What do you want?"

7 ways to secretly find out what gift someone wants

The quickest way to find out is to ask directly what the person wants. However, many people feel that this doesn't feel like a gift and don't like it. Here, we will introduce specific ways to secretly find out what the person wants without them noticing.

Find out when you go shopping

If you have time before giving the gift, go shopping together and observe what kind of things your partner is interested in. By starting a conversation like, "This wallet is nice. Do you prefer black or red?" or "I think this type of accessory would look good on you," you can get a sense of their favorite colors and designs.

However, for women, "cute" and "I want it" are not necessarily the same thing, so it's important not to be misled by the content of the conversation alone.

Get help from a mutual friend

If you have mutual friends, be sure to ask for their help. Bring up topics like, "I'm looking forward to seeing what you get for Christmas! What would you like?" or "I'm having trouble figuring out what to get my boyfriend for his birthday... what do you think would be good?" and you'll likely get some honest feedback as part of a conversation or advice session.

Let's talk about "hypotheses"

This strategy involves asking hypothetical questions to find out what they want, such as, "If you had ¥3 to spend, what would you buy?" It's best to choose an amount close to your budget, but if you use a number that's too realistic, the other person might guess. Try to think of a way to start the conversation that doesn't sound unnatural, such as, "My friend apparently won ¥XNUMX in the lottery."

Bring up your favorite shops and brands

If you know the stores they usually shop at or their favorite brands, try bringing up new or popular products and see how they react. If they respond with something like, "I want it, but it's a little expensive," then it's a great gift idea.

Try to communicate what you want

One psychological technique is called "reciprocity of self-disclosure." In simple terms, this means that if you tell someone how you really feel, they will be more likely to tell you how they really feel.

So, to find out what they want, first try telling them what you want. The key is to ask naturally as part of small talk, such as, "Actually, I've been wanting to buy a new wallet for a while now. Is there anything else you'd like to replace right now?"

Have them answer a self-made psychological test

The strategy is to say, "I found an interesting psychological test, why don't you try it?" and then have them answer questions such as, "What do you want most right now?" and "If you could be given one gift, what would it be?"

It's a little difficult to think about the results, but whether they're right or wrong is not the main point, so don't worry about it. Just be sure to use existing psychological tests as a reference and make sure that no matter which option you choose, you won't feel uncomfortable.

Get a hint

If you ask directly, "What do you want?", you might be perceived as not wanting to take the time to think about it. So, start by saying, "I've thought about it a lot, but I just can't decide..." and ask the question as if you're trying to confirm that they're thinking in the right direction.

Rather than directly asking for the correct answer, such as "Which is better, this color or that color?" or "What genre is it?", the key is to show that you are trying to arrive at the correct answer after thinking it through yourself.

If you're told "I don't need anything"

After trying every possible way to ask someone what they want, you may end up with the answer, "I don't need a present" or "There's nothing I want." This is not an uncommon story, as many people may have never had a desire for material things to begin with, may have just bought something they wanted, or may be trying to become a minimalist and reduce the amount of things they own.

However, there are also cases where the person's true feelings are hidden, such as "It's hard to bring up what I really want because it's expensive," "I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable," or "The last gift I received was disappointing, so I don't want it again." Do your best until the very end so that you don't end up being disappointed by just accepting what they say.

Invite them to lunch or dinner

If your partner says they don't need anything, try suggesting something like, "Let's go to that store you were interested in before!" Even if it's not a meal, you can give them an "experience" by spending time together, such as going to the movies or going for a drive.

Give it some time

Some people say, "There are a lot of things I want, but when I'm asked, I can't remember them right away." If you're this type of person, you might find that if you give them some time, they'll be able to tell you what they want.

However, if you leave it too late, you may not have enough time to prepare. It's a good idea to also let them know the deadline, such as "I'll go shopping this weekend, so let me know if you think of anything by then."

Go shopping together and find

If you're not sure if "I don't need anything" is their true feelings or just a pretense, go shopping together. If there's something they want, they'll give you some kind of sign. Even if you don't find what you want, window shopping with your loved one can be a lot of fun.

Give them a surprise that they'll love and that they'll definitely love!

We've introduced some ways to secretly find out what someone wants. As mentioned in the disadvantages section, simply giving them what they want can leave them feeling unsatisfied. We recommend being creative with how you ask, and thinking about how to wrap and give the gift to create a surprise.

April 2022, 12 [By occasion] 10 ways to give your boyfriend or girlfriend a Christmas present they'll love

April 2023, 12 [By recipient] Birthday surprise ideas

"PR"