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When you hear that a loved one is recovering from an illness or is hospitalized, you want to visit them as soon as possible. However, visiting someone in the hospital is not something you can just do; you must act with consideration for the other person's feelings and circumstances. In this article, we will introduce basic etiquette for visiting someone in the hospital, how to wrap a condolence gift, and how to choose a gift.
table of contents
- Situations you should avoid when visiting someone in the hospital
- Basic etiquette when visiting a sick person
- Budget for condolence money and gifts
- How to choose, write, and wrap an envelope for condolence money
- How to choose a gift
- Put the recipient first and follow proper etiquette when sending condolences
Situations you should avoid when visiting someone in the hospital
Immediately after an illness is discovered or someone is hospitalized, their body and mind may be delicate. In some cases, it may take time for the person's physical condition and emotions to stabilize. Be sure to check with the person or their family in advance whether it is okay to visit. In the following cases, it is best to avoid visiting or reschedule the visit.
2-3 days before and after surgery
For a few days before and after surgery, the patient's condition may be unstable, and they may be nervous due to pain or discomfort. If you are visiting before surgery, try to arrive early so you don't miss the last minute. If you are visiting after surgery, try to contact them by email or other means around 4-5 days after the patient has recovered.
The recipient's immune system is weakened
Depending on the symptoms of the disease or the side effects of medication, your partner's immune system may be significantly weakened. Even bacteria and viruses that would not cause any problems in healthy people can become serious and, in the worst case, life-threatening if they infect you with a weakened immune system.
If you absolutely must give a condolence gift or money, it is recommended that you have it delivered to the deceased's home rather than handing it over to them in person.
The person or their family refuses
The person or their family may refuse to allow you to visit them for reasons such as "I don't want them to see how weak I look" or "I haven't been able to take a bath for a long time." Do not force your visit by saying, "We don't care about that," but respect their wishes.
Basic etiquette when visiting a sick person
If you decide to visit a loved one, it is important to put the other person's needs first and observe basic etiquette. Before and after the visit, keep the following five points in mind.
- Contact us in advance to schedule the date and time
- Keep visiting times short
- The number of visitors is limited to four people
- Be mindful of the content of the conversation
- If the other person is asleep, don't wake them up
Contact us in advance to schedule the date and time
Before visiting, be sure to let the hospital know the date and time you plan to visit. There may be other visitors already scheduled for the day you want to visit, or the hospital may have restrictions on visiting hours. Since there may be tests and other appointments scheduled in the morning, it is safer to visit in the afternoon.
Keep visiting times short
Keep visits brief, about 15 to 30 minutes, or at most an hour. When visiting close friends or family, it's easy to get carried away with conversation, but long visits can be a burden. If you brought a get-well gift, give it to them as soon as you arrive at the hospital room and try not to stay too long.
The number of visitors is limited to four people
If you show up in a large group, you may be a nuisance to other hospitalized patients and staff, so try to keep the number of people you go with as small as possible, to a maximum of four.
If you have many people you want to visit, such as colleagues or subordinates, it is recommended that only one person visits and the others convey their messages by email or other means.
[Example get-well messages] Encourage those battling illness or injury with warm words! Be mindful of the content of the conversation
Even if you are genuinely concerned about your partner, it is important not to ask detailed questions about their condition or treatment, or to offer excessive words of encouragement.
We tend to say things like "Do your best" or "Get well soon," but depending on the condition of the illness and the other person's feelings, these words can actually be a burden. It's best to say things like "Take care of yourself" or "Get plenty of rest," which will put your partner at ease and not force them.
If the other person is asleep, don't wake them up
If the person you visit is asleep, leave the room quietly without waking them. You may want to talk a little since you've come all the way there, but you should never forcefully wake them up. Leave any gifts you brought with you at the nurse's station or with the attendant before you leave.
Budget for condolence money and gifts
There is a standard price for condolence money and gifts, and the amount varies depending on your relationship with the recipient. It is considered rude to give cash to someone of higher rank, such as your boss, so prepare a gift of a similar amount.
| The person to whom you are giving your condolences | Price range |
| Parents, grandparents, siblings, close relatives | 5,000 ~ 10,000 circle |
| Friends, acquaintances, and neighbors | 3,000 ~ 5,000 yen |
| Colleagues in the company | 3,000 ~ 5,000 yen |
| Subordinates and junior colleagues at work | 5,000 ~ 10,000 yen |
| A superior such as a company boss | 3,000 to 10,000 yen (cash not accepted) |
If the giver is a student, you don't have to be bound by the above average price range and a gift of around 3,000 yen is fine.
How to choose, write, and wrap an envelope for condolence money
When sending condolence money, there are etiquette rules regarding the type of envelope to use and how to write it. There are some differences from general celebratory or condolence gifts, so be sure to check them all out.
Prepare old banknotes
It is considered good manners to use new bills for celebrations such as weddings, but old bills are prepared for condolences. Preparing clean new bills for condolences or sympathy gifts can give the impression that "preparing them in advance = waiting for misfortune."
However, it would be rude to choose bills that are too wrinkled and dirty, so choose bills that have some signs of use. If you only have new bills on hand, fold them once before wrapping them.
Orientation of the banknote
When you take the bill out of the envelope, place it so that the portrait is easily visible from the front. This is the same orientation as when it is used for celebrations (auspicious occasions), but it has a positive meaning of wishing the recipient a speedy recovery, rather than as a sign of "joy."
Choose an envelope without a noshi (gift tag)
The envelope in which to place the bill should be tied with a red and white knot or Awaji knot, or without a Mizuhiki string. Avoid bow knots, as they are meant to convey the wish that the recipient will avoid repeated illnesses and injuries. Another important point is to make sure to choose one that does not have a noshi (gift tag) attached.
Noshi is only used for celebrations, so it is bad manners to use it for condolence money. Black and white, yellow and white, and silver mizuhiki are used for condolences such as funerals, so be careful about the color of the mizuhiki. If you are unsure of how to choose, or if the hospitalization is for a negative reason such as an accident, miscarriage, or serious injury, it is safer to choose one without mizuhiki.
How to write an envelope
Write "Omimai" or "Omimai" on the envelope, and write the sender's full name below the mizuhiki (or in the bottom center if there is no mizuhiki). A brush or brush pen is best used as a writing implement. Avoid using four-character words such as "Omimai" as this is reminiscent of the word "4 = death."
How to choose a gift
When sending a gift when visiting someone in the sympathy, it is important to consider what you choose. When you think of typical sympathy gifts, flowers and fruit come to mind, but there are cases where bringing in certain items is prohibited due to hygiene concerns or dietary restrictions. It is a good idea to check in advance with the recipient and the hospital where the patient is being treated to see if there are any items that are prohibited.
Also, although flower gifts are a standard get-well gift, care should be taken to avoid those that are considered to be "unlucky," have too strong a scent, or produce a lot of pollen that will pollute the surrounding area.
- Lilies: Strong fragrance and lots of pollen
- Camellia: It is bad luck because the flowers fall from the neck.
- Chrysanthemums: Reminiscent of funerals and other mourning events
- Cyclamen: Reminiscent of "death" and "suffering"
- Potted plants in general: "Taking roots" is associated with "taking root"
Popular genres for get-well gifts
We've compiled a list of popular sympathy gifts, along with tips on how to choose them. If you're not sure what to choose, you won't go wrong by choosing from the following.
Flower
Although there are some types of flowers that are not suitable as sympathy gifts, flowers are still a standard gift. In addition to avoiding the unsuitable types mentioned above, be careful not to choose bouquets that require a vase or large ones that take up a lot of space.
We recommend arrangements that can be displayed as they are, or preserved flowers and herbariums that don't require the hassle of watering. If you're buying in a store, it's a good idea to let the staff know that you're buying a sympathy gift and ask for their advice.
Sweets and fruits
The recipient's favorite sweets and nutritious fruits are standard sympathy gifts. However, be aware that they may have dietary restrictions due to illness or medication.
If you bring fruit, avoid products that require time-consuming cutting and choose canned or pre-processed products that are easy to eat. The same goes for sweets: choose individually wrapped products that make it easy to control the amount eaten at one time and are less likely to get your hands or bed dirty.
PochipTea and coffee
Recommended for those who have a lot of food restrictions or who don't like sweet things. A refreshing, fragrant tea can help calm your nerves when you're in an unfamiliar environment. However, since caffeine can have a negative effect on your health, it's best to choose a decaffeinated tea.
PochipJelly and juice
For those who don't have any restrictions on sweets but don't have much of an appetite, jelly is easy to eat and goes down smoothly, making it a convenient way to replenish fluids and nutrients while also being gentle on the stomach. We also recommend juices made with plenty of nutritious fruits such as apples and mandarins.
Something to kill time
While hospitalized, you will spend a lot of time in bed. If your condition is relatively stable, you will want something to help you pass the time. Choose something that suits your loved one's tastes, such as novels, crossword puzzles, knitting, or manga, and they will be happy.
Put the recipient first and follow proper etiquette when sending condolences
A thoughtful gift will give a great boost of energy to fight illness or injury. Be sure to visit the person in the sympathy zone with proper etiquette, and pray for a speedy recovery.
"PR"
